Cantara: Well, there’s… I was just gonna read this story from “ABC News.” We hit on it in “F-d Up News” yesterday, but an Iowa appeals court ruled against a convicted killer who says he died during a medical emergency and thus fulfilled his life sentence. Benjamin…
Quinn: Died five times.
Cantara: …Schreiber had to be revived, like, five times after, like, a heart attack, and he took this all the way to, like, the Supreme Court here or something. Would you take this case, Cassandra?
Cassandra: No. But…
Cantara: Go ahead.
Cassandra: I mean, it’s creative.
Quinn: Well, it’s creative, but, I mean, by the letter of the law, if we didn’t try to, you know, think about reality and how silly this is, by the letter of the law could this work?
Cassandra: I think there’s always room for some less-than-strict interpretation.
Cantara: Well, let’s say he did die, like, traditionally die…
Cantara: And then he was reincarnated, and we all knew that this convicted killer…
Quinn: Well, there you go.
Cantara: Would they lock him up again? They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t, so, like, how do you… I guess, I’m… How do they define… I mean, the guy didn’t…he didn’t win his case, but how are they defining death here?
Cassandra: I mean, the quote from the court is perfect, isn’t it? He’s either alive, in which case he must remain in prison, or he is dead, in which case the appeal is moot.
Cantara: Didn’t say dead forever.
Quinn: Well, but, yeah, it didn’t say dead forever, and I’m sure they gave him, you know, his, you know, his natural life, which, I guess, natural life involves, you know, ups and downs. Death five…five deaths could be one of those ups and downs.
Cantara: But sometimes they give people, like, multiple consecutive life terms, right?
Cassandra: Yeah, they can, but also, you know, when you’re interpreting it, the dictionary definition of dead is no longer alive. He’s not dead anymore.
Cantara: But for how long?
Cassandra: You’d have to be no longer alive. [crosstalk 00:01:57]…
Quinn: But what if he died and had a whole thing, like, he just, he changed, he flipped the leaf, you know? Turned it over, changed, and started helping out the homeless. I mean, maybe there’s a thing there.
Cantara: Well, that didn’t…
Quinn: Maybe we don’t know everything. All right, I’ll stop arguing for this yahoo.
Cantara: I don’t know, I just thought it was such a creative argument. We wanted to talk to you about it, but…
Quinn: I don’t even know what he did to get the…
Cassandra: It came from my home state.
Cantara: What did he do?
Quinn: I think he killed…he beat to death an old man or something.
Cantara: Oh, that’s not nice.
Quinn: That isn’t nice.
Cantara: Keep him in jail.
Quinn: Yeah. But his heart stopped five times.
Cassandra: It’s a very un-Iowa thing, I can say.
Quinn: What was that?
Cassandra: I said it’s a very un-Iowa approach to things. [inaudible 00:02:31] that’s my native state.
Cantara: Oh, so this is your home state, and you can’t even side with the guy.
Cassandra: It’s my home state.
Cantara: Where’s your heart?
Quinn: Oh, just take a look at the fella. He looks like sketchy material, that guy.
Cantara: His heart stopped five times at the hospital where he’d been been taken, but like Cassandra said, the judge said he must remain in prison, or he…until he…or he’s dead, which in this case the appeal is moot, so…
Quinn: How about the death penalty down in Texas, that Rodney guy that 20 thing. Ted Cruz finally said…
Cantara: I didn’t see that.
Quinn: “Hey, we gotta figure this out,” because they have so much proof that it was the police officer boyfriend of the woman, I believe, who died. It’s, like, everybody’s on it. You know when Kardashian’s on it, Cantara, you know the guy’s innocent.
Cantara: My favorite headline came from “The Onion” where they talked about the Alabama-LSU halftime show being a prisoner put to death. Again, it was “The Onion,” it’s fake news.
Quinn: It’s all right, it’s still fun.
Cantara: Well, Cassandra, was this fun for you? Because it was fun for me.
Cassandra: It was the highlight of my day so far.
Cantara: Oh, all right.
Quinn: Thanks, Cassandra.
Cantara: All right.
Quinn: We appreciate you wasting your time with us.
Cassandra: No problem.
Quinn: I know it’s very valuable time. What was that…
Cantara: All right, go back to work now.
Quinn: …per hour? God…
Cantara: Cassandra Kazukenus from Martin, Harding & Mazzotti. 1-800-LAW-1010 and 1800law1010.com.